Feature
The
February
A veteran's guide to the BHS English department
Ivy Bergin Feature Editor ———————–—— Depending on student interest, teacher capacity, and quality of content, English is one of the most variable courses of study at BHS. While I’ve had my fair share of tanked essays and incomprehensible analytical paragraphs, I am a bona fide English and Social Studies person. Considering my vast experiences with the English department and the stories of my peers, I have some moderately qualified advice to share with my fellow students. So, for students who love to delve into the intricacies of the English language, or for those who just want to get their credit and get out, please enjoy some tips, tricks, and recommendations on successfully navigating Brighton High School’s English Department. AP English Literature AP Lit features an enriching perspective on literature and a fascinating coursework. I’d highly recommend this course for anyone that likes to talk about all the uncanny and interesting items of the human condition. Creative Writing If you’re thinking about taking Creative Writing but you haven’t written for Trapezoid yet, what are you doing? Modern Drama Modern Drama may not be an uber-popular pick for senior English, but students tend to enjoy the diverse and highly acclaimed performances explored in this class. Dystopian Literature Because our world isn’t morbid enough already, take this opportunity to learn about your impending doom! Explore famous texts like “1984” and “The Handmaid’s Tale,” and start predicting/preventing humanity’s looming demise... Nonfiction Literature Wait, has anyone even taken this class? Literature of Leadership A.K.A. free therapy — one of the most popular English electives at BHS, every person on the planet could benefit from Literature of Leadership (especially you). So, you should consider it. Literature of Oppression This is a straight-up good class. Broaden your worldly understanding and gain compassion for your fellow humans through a powerful and eclectic coursework. Multicultural Literature Multi-Culti is another course that doesn’t enroll many students, but does offer an alluring palette of writing with a focus in elevating voices from all around the world. Intro to Film Watch some movies! And be wary of any lurking film bros... never let anyone mansplain “Pulp Fiction” to you — you're better than that. Media in the 21st Century What a hot mess! (Modern media, not the course). Consider taking this class to gain a little more understanding of humanity’s number one friend/foe. Myth and Modern World Do you know the origins of the star in the center of an apple? If you’re planning on taking this course, then you better figure it out...
Trapezoid’s burning questions: the APUSH angle from the Dan-Wil Duo
Hello and welcome to Trapezoid’s Burning Questions! In this sizzling new column, Trapezoid staff Ivy Bergin and Corban Vogler have created a questionnaire of fun but mundane questions we can use to get to know the beloved members of BHS staff a little better. Our fifth and sixth guests are an iconic duo within the social studies department, sharing the role of APUSH teacher. When Mr. Wilmot isn’t hitting the golf course, you can find him facilitating riveting class discussions; and when Mr. Wilson isn’t hitting the bowling alley, you can find him helping students get into the Century Club. Welcoming the Burning Answers of the Dan-Wil Duo. Mr. Wilson How do you cure the hiccups? Drink water invertedly. What do you eat for breakfast most days? Three cups of coffee. What do you think happens when we die? Mmmkay — hmmmm. We either go to Heaven or Hell based on how we’ve lived. What is Something you want to do before you die? Take his family on a trip to Ireland. What’s the craziest excuse you’ve gotten for someone not submitting their outline? Equestrian school in Florida. What number am I thinking of? Four. (It was 52). What is your favorite movie? The Departed. What is the craziest parent interaction you’ve had? He once caught a student cheating in class but the student’s parent denied it; so, Mr. Wilson challenged the parent to a debate at a school board meeting that was broadcasted on Channel 12. Unfortunately, the parent backed down. What is your morning routine? Get up, make his kids’ breakfast, take a shower, and take his daughter to school. What is your favorite celebrity couple? Bennifer. What superpower do you wish you had as a teacher? Lie detection. Favorite Taylor Swift song? All Too Well (10 Minute Version). What is the worst slip-up you’ve had in APUSH large group? Once accidently called the wrong European country the “sick man of Europe;” someone corrected him and said that the Ottoman Empire was actually considered the “sick man of Europe,” so Mr. Wilson said “there were a lot of sick men in Europe at that time.” What is your hottest take? The NFL should show more Taylor Swift. If you were president right now, what would you do? Get rid of MyPlate; it doesn’t work. If you had not gone into teaching, what profession would you have pursued? Law. If we gave you a million dollars right now, what would you do? Put it away for children’s college. What do you think your purpose on Earth is? Give people a positive social studies experience. Mr. Wilmot How do you cure the hiccups? Holds his breath. What do you eat for breakfast most days? A bagel or yogurt. What do you think happens when we die? Heaven. Or The Other One. Something you want to do before you die? Play golf at the Augusta National Golf Club in Augusta, Georgia. What’s the craziest excuse you’ve gotten for someone not submitting their outline? His students know he doesn’t want an excuse — they can simply say it will be late and he will be lenient. What number am I thinking of? 17. (It was 22). What is your favorite movie? The Godfather. What is the craziest parent interaction you’ve had? None; Brighton parents are great. Even after 29 years of teaching, no bad interactions. What is your morning routine? Get up and get to school very early; at 6:00 in the morning, the school is quiet and he can get work done. What is your favorite celebrity couple? He doesn’t really know any. He’s becoming his father. What superpower do you wish you had as a teacher? Not sure, but maybe the ability to know what students are thinking. Favorite Taylor Swift song? He doesn't like Taylor Swift... What is the worst slip-up you’ve had in APUSH large group? He’s never had anything horrible; no “b-b-b-buttttts.” What is your hottest take? President Trump is going to be disqualified from the 2024 Presidential election on one of his criminal indictments. If you were president right now, what would you do? Take care of the border. If you had not gone into teaching, what profession would you have pursued? When he was a kid he was very close to being cast in “The Natural,” so maybe that would have led him into a career of acting. But he always wanted to be a teacher. If we gave you a million dollars right now, what would you do? Buy new golf clubs. And donate to charity. What do you think your purpose on Earth is? Leave it a better place than I found it.
January
Goodbye 2013, hello 2014: ins and outs of 2024
Hello and welcome to 2024! As you embark on this truly bizarre new year, please consider our expert recommendations and forewarnings for an optimal 2024. Ins and Outs are brought to you by Lizzie Stewart and Ivy Bergin, with a special thanks to Ms. Annese, Mrs. Muniz, and Jamie Metzger for their help. IN Shade (in person & behind back) Bartering, negotiation, haggling The truth Chickadees British people Instagram Reels Magazines Boogying down (wherever necessary) Situational awareness Impulsivity The Dad Wave Having a potty mouth Bubblegum Hashtags (ironic and unironic) Glitter Unbridled enthusiasm Compartmentalizing Screaming your head off Guestimating Monkey business Country accents Being a sleepyhead Millennialism Low-stakes bets OUT Germaphobia Crust on sandwiches Hygienic negligence Knit-garments Trying to look more tan Awkward silence Netflix Fortnite Salons with dumb names The words “slay” and “pookie” Tattle-taling Smile and Nod Being embarrassed Hedge words Hating just to hate The common cold Apathy Labels BeReal Interest in Mars Merging on the highway Unnecessary aggression Saying or texting “kk” Catastrophizing
The T: Trapezoid Advice Column
Q: “The amount of time I must spend on homework has started cutting into the time I usually hang out with friends. I don't really have enough time to maintain all my social connections as a result.” This is quite the catch-22. Academic pressure tends to drain the soul, diminishing our mental batteries; yet life drives forward with all its demands. Friends wait for texts and teachers wait for submissions simultaneously, making us feel trapped and exhausted at times. Firstly, we would recommend reevaluating your current commitments; it sounds like you may be juggling too many commitments at a time. Check our “Sweat Recovery” column in the December issue of the Trapezoid for more information on this piece of advice. Further, in this situation, it's important to communicate with the people that are depending on your dedication. Your friends are your friends because they love and appreciate you, and if you give them a heads-up that things are not going well, they will want to help. The same goes for teachers – they are in your corner! Polite emails about extensions on assignments go a long way. Either way, the best way to help yourself is to give others the opportunity to support you! Q: “Love” A: Woof. Love, in any form, may be the most beautiful thing that any human being can ever possess. But, love may also be the most painful tribulation a life can encounter. Remember that love spans infinitely further than romance; love appears between all people, all things, and all connections. Focus on embracing and cultivating the love you have for yourself and the world around you. You will never find happiness anywhere if you cannot find happiness where you are right now. Romantic love will find you when the time is right; in this moment, the time is right to appreciate all the other love that life offers. Q: “I have had explosive diarrhea for the past 2 weeks make it stop!!!!” A: EEK! I can’t say that this was a pleasant sentence to read, but nonetheless, we appreciate your honestly – thank you for sharing this deeply intimate personal detail. We can only hope by the time you see this response in print that this issue has been resolved. But, on the off (and highly concerning) chance it has not, our advice is as follows: because we are unable to dish out medically-qualified advice, we would recommend consulting your physician at the soonest possible convenience – perhaps even the school nurse if the situation has grown too dire to wait! For now, don’t be too down in the dumps – we are keeping you in our thoughts during this troubling time. Q: “My dream job is to be an interior designer, but the salary is rather low and the job is not the most stable on a customer base; two aspects that are really important to me. Any advice?” A: The passion vs. salary conflict is a dilemma that has touched almost all of our lives – many of us are interested in journalism, so we know the feeling. Regarding income, we have two recommendations. First, consider how much money you may actually need — will you have children that you need to support? will you share earnings with a life partner? will you live in an area with a high cost of living? Secondly, consider acquiring multiple forms of income; as the internet expands, more and more opportunities for high-paying side-hustles are appearing everyday. You may even be able to find side-hustles that relate to your career, like writing for a design magazine. Additionally, interior designers will experience high turnover of clientele, however working with a quality firm will ensure job and income stability, as well as a close-knit work family. If interior design is your passion, we believe that you should try your best to pursue it. You may have to make sacrafices, but nothing good will come easy. Trapezoid wishes you luck on your journey!
Trap’s burning questions: attendance staff edition
Ivy Bergin Feature Editor Corban Vogler Editor-in-Chief ———————–—— Hello and welcome to Trapezoid’s Burning Questions! In this sizzling new column, Trapezoid staff has created a questionnaire of fun but mundane questions we can use to get to know the BHS staff a little better. Our intention with Burning Questions is to learn more about the loves, lives, and hot takes of Brighton’s favorite staff members through a miscellaneous set of incisive queries. Burning Questions is a reoccurring column, meaning that we hope to interview a multitude of BHS staff members from all different departments. Therefore, if there are any specific faculty members that you would like to hear from, please reach out with your request. Our third and fourth guests are known and loved by just about every student at BHS. With poise and aplomb, these two women handle the highly demanding attendance needs of well over 1,000 students. We are beyond grateful for the work of these two individuals. Here are the burning answers of Mrs. Hoffman and Ms. Liano. Mrs. Hoffman Q: How do you cure the hiccups? A: She holds her breath. Q: What is your typical breakfast? A: Cereal. Q: What do you think happens when we die? A: We go to Heaven and see our loved ones. Q: Something you want to do before you die? A: Nothing in particular; she already lives life to the fullest everyday! Q: What number am I thinking of? A: 10. (It was six). Ms. Liano Q: How do you cure the hiccups? A: Drink a cup of water. Q: What is your typical breakfast? A: Greek Yogurt with fresh raspberries and granola. Q: What do you think happens when we die? A: We go to another dimension of some sort. Q: Something you want to do before you die? A: Witness world leaders achieve global peace and address climate change properly. Q: What number am I thinking of? A: Eight. (It was 23)
November
Trapezoid’s burning questions: Dr. Hall Edition
Ivy Bergin Feature Editor Corban Vogler Editor-in-Chief ———————–—— Hello and welcome to Trapezoid’s Burning Questions! In this sizzling new column, Trapezoid staff has created a questionnaire of fun but mundane questions we can use to get to know the BHS staff a little better. Our intention with Burning Questions is to learn more about the loves, lives, and hot takes of Brighton’s favorite staff members through a miscellaneous set of incisive queries. Burning Questions is a reoccurring column, meaning that we hope to interview a multitude of BHS staff members from all different departments. Therefore, if there are any specific faculty members that you would like to hear from, please reach out with your request. Our debut guest is a man known and loved by all: enter the burning answers of the beloved Dr. Tom Hall. Q: How do you cure the hiccups? A: He holds his breath and slowly slips water for 10 seconds; works every time. Q: What is your favorite movie? A: The Goonies. Q: What is your typical breakfast? A: Depends on what’s available. Always coffee, and sometimes a bagel or eggs. Q: What number am I thinking of? A: Three. (It was six). Q: What do you think happens when we die? A: We see all the people that we once loved and cared about. Q: Favorite Taylor Swift Song? A: Love Story Q: Did OJ do it? A: Yes, he thinks so Q: What is one thing you would like to do before you die? A: Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro Q: Favorite celebrity couple? A: Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitt Q: Were you actually struck by lightning twice? A: No, but he has had three close calls and was electrocuted by one of them. When he was electrocuted, he was leaning against a bulk tank that got struck and the shock went through the tank to him. Q: What is your morning routine? A: Wake up around 4:00am, either go to the gym and shower or shower at home and then work (and stop for a cup of coffee). Q: Would you rather have a bad haircut for a month or let your mother dress you for a month? A: Bad haircut, all the way. Bad haircut for several months if necessary.
The T: Trapezoid Advice Column
Q: “I like this guy who has a bad reputation at school, like a lot of the girls and my friends don’t like him. However, I like him a lot, but I don’t know if he likes me back. What do I do? I can’t go up and talk to him without getting backlash.” A: This is messy; our staff had fun talking about this dilemma. Because we feel as though we don’t have enough context to best evaluate this situation, here is a list of questions you should ask yourself: are your friends dependable advice-givers? Are your friends people-pleasers? (Because when people pleasers don’t like someone, that’s saying something). Or are your friends cynical? (Because if a pessimist doesn’t like someone, that doesn’t say much). Are your friends in love with you? (Then, of course they wouldn’t like your crush). Do you put this crush on a pedestal, or do you acknowledge his flaws? Does he have a bad reputation for a valid reason? Or is he misunderstood? If you have asked yourself all of these questions and are still torn on what to do, we recommend that you try to get to know him better: maybe talk to him before class, add him on Snapchat, or wave at him in the hallway. A few final resorts may be to confide in a trusted adult (as we have found lots of success through this strategy) or consider messaging the Trapezoid Instagram with a name-drop so we can give some better advice. Best of luck to you! Q: “My dog keeps farting at night and wakes himself up. How should I solve this issue?” If you fear that your dog’s unfortunate habit is somehow harming him (perhaps degrading his quality of sleep) you may consider altering his diet. Your dog’s food may be the cause of his poor-timed flatulence. Otherwise, dogs typically fall asleep rather quickly, meaning that sporadically waking up is probably not a significant problem for your dog. Therefore, this issue is negligible; we suggest that you simply live and let live. Q: “Sometimes I feel as though I'm too clingy towards my friend and they just want space, but I'm not sure how to ask about it without sounding as though I'm seeking attention from the situation. Is there any way to ask this? I don't want to have a sudden change in how I approach them and make them uncomfortable by suddenly backing off if there is no issue to begin with.” A: First off, evaluate how close you are with this friend. If you two are not that close, it may be uncomfortable to have such a serious conversation. This brings us to our second point: if you truly feel paranoid that this friend does not want to spend as much time with you, it may be time to audit that friendship as a whole and ask yourself why they might want space. After you have considered these points, you may choose to subtly ease into a conversation about your feelings. For example, next time the two of you are hanging out, casually bring up a feature of your friendship – maybe how you met or something you like about your camaraderie. Then, direct the conversation towards the amount of time you spend together. From there, your friend may introduce the conversation on their own. This way, you can get the answers you desire without having to have a formal “sit-down.” Q: “I need better music taste.” A: Poor music taste is one of the worst afflictions a human can face. Fortunately, Trapezoid staff has chipped in to create a playlist full of stellar song recommendations that you can use to impress friends, parties, or that special someone:
October
The T: Trapezoid Advice Column
“I really liked this girl that was straight (I'm a girl); I'm trying to move on now but I don't know how. Any help?” All emotions are temporary. This is one of the most painful situations to be in, and for this we truly apologize. As cliché as this phrase is, time truly is the best medicine. Often, we seek solace from romantic disappointments in rebounds, identity “reinvention,” or other tactics of questionable success. But, at the end of the day, your pain can and will recede if you give yourself the time to heal. Trapezoid staff is sending you lots of love. “Am I wrong for feeling left out by exclusive language?” No, you are not wrong. As a publication, our staff has had to navigate how and when to try to use inclusive language, however we have run into the problem that inclusive language does not always exist for the ideas that we are trying to express. Or, even if broader terms do exist, our audience may be unfamiliar with these expressions. So, we believe that inclusive language is critical to strong communication and the honoring of a diverse world, but we recognize that our media is far from perfect in terms of integrating these terms. It is not wrong to feel left out by exclusive language, and we should all try our hardest to be inclusive, but instead of allowing ourselves to be hurt when we do not feel included, it may be more productive to understand that many individuals do not know how or when to use inclusive language. Exclusive language is our community precedent; it is how our families and teachers and peers speak, whether we like it or not, so it will take time and understanding to shift and improve our society’s vocabulary. “I got harassed last year, I told people and was told they would take care of it, I said I needed to be with them when they talked to verify it, I have no information if they ever took care of it. Now I feel uncomfortable, what should I do?” Firstly, we are so sorry that happened to you, and we applaud you for reaching out for support and justice. With such a personal violation of your personhood, having to become your own defender is exhausting. We strongly believe in open communication between students and the administration / groups in power, but when attempts at such communication are not honored, action has to be taken to keep everyone involved accountable. As a first course of action, we would recommend reaching back out to the group you informed to ask for an update – if there is any written proof that you reported the incident a year ago, that would be helpful to hold onto and possibly include in your inquiry. If there is some kind of progress, fantastic! If not, reflecting on the outcome that would be best for you will give insight into the best next steps, whether that goal is protection, support, or accountability. “I am worried about being abducted by aliens.” What’s meant to happen is meant to happen. Trusting in the universe implies trusting in extraterrestrial beings, so fear not; perhaps your apprehension is a sign that you are the chosen one will one day bridge the gap between humans and aliens, bringing peace and prosperity between our species.